欧洲是一个非常多元化的大陆. 正因为如此, 在这篇文章中, 我将介绍如何正确地走在街上, 小巷, 峰巅, and promenades of some of Europe’s major cities. I will generalize greatly in this piece, 但它是 100% correct in my opinion. Most of this article is me venting my frustrations at Europeans, tourists and their ways of walking in Europe. If you are European and do not like getting scolded, 那么这是不是你的文章.
我知道, I know…I am American. 我知道我们做的无人机袭击, 有枪的问题, and really hate minorities (I am a minority). 我知道我们是脂肪, obnoxious and stupid. 话虽如此, I am a New Yorker first. Because I am a New Yorker, I am certain that “we – New Yorkers – know how to walk”. New Yorkers enjoy the day, 但我们有目的这样做. Our goal is to get to our destination and to do it effectively. That is the key…to get to where you need to regardless of whether sunshine or snow is involved.
EUROPEANS ARE SOME OF THE WORST WALKERS IN THE WORLD!
Move to the friggin’ right (your right). 认真地, if I move to your left; you move right. 不知何故, 在大多数欧洲国家, 人们还是走进你. Europeans like to talk on their mobiles with seemingly no consideration of the person in front of them. They think the whole sidewalk is their sidewalk…and they walk SLOOOOWLY. All I ask is can you please move to the friggin’ right.
New Yorkers walk. We take subways, 有时我们走出租车, 但在大多数情况下, we travel on our two feet. In Europe, 你走在大多数小城镇, 但通常, drive from town to town. That brings me to:
听我说. 从一个地方到另一个地方得到的是不是NASCAR, 是不是公式 1, and is certainly not the Fast and the Furious. If you drive like you’re in one of these races, you drive terribly and too fast. Drivers in most European countries will literally speed up when they see you walking down the street. It seems as if they want to hit you. Why? Because there are asshats who don’t realize they could really hurt people.
MR驱动, slow the heck down. There are elderly and people, 孩子, and tourists walking down the street. Take a puff of your cigarrette and relax. 你会得到你的目的地几分钟速度较慢，但有 1 额外死亡了你的业障.
但对乱穿马路什么, 你问. 他们不应该穿越红. 是, people shouldn’t jaywalk; I agree. 但是，欧洲街道的感觉像一个高速公路，因为它是相当昂贵的，以获取许可证. This means that it is mostly rich people who can afford licenses. It’s almost €2,000 to get a license in Europe and the tests are ridiculous. 5-hour endurance test. Crazy sauce.
在意大利, people walk slow. Slooooow. Sloooooooooow. In Rome, 你可能会幸运地并肩行走的人，其速度大约是 1 km an hour. The biggest issue is that people will be talking on their cellphones. 游客将寻求所有网站. Women will be sun-glassed and won’t even notice you exist. They will have zero regard for you and you’ll end up walking on on the actual streets.
The Chinese and Indian tourists will not even know you exist. They will be filming the city for their “1-day” in Italy video and walk all over you. It will be a horde of people that can be overwhelming. Lots and lots of tourists will be filming and photographing everything. My advice to you…drop the shoulder and just plow through them, 或者如果你更有礼, go around them in the street…
Funk you cobblestone old-timesy streets. You want to kill me and every older person on earth. 当然, 你看街道上的Instagram好, but they feel terrible after a day of walking. They also get super slippery when wet and break iPhones (had this happen in Venice). My hips and back feel terrible after a simple walk to the market. These amazing Instagram vistas from the past should be put in the past. Give me a nice paved road. Nothing historic or “it’s our patrimony” give me something my hips won’t hate so that if I fall, 我不会在沃克在我未来的几年.
Don’t do it at night in a hill town if you don’t want to end the same way Robert Baratheon did. 对. This happened to me. Cinghiale hangout in the hills of Cinque Terre, 托斯卡纳, 黑森林, and parts of Spain. They will mess you up. They will run into you smashing your leg. Kick you to throw you off balance or just eat you.
别, you will literally be attacked by people walking into you. Terrible drivers will go into the sidewalk and almost hito you. Did I mention you will be accosted by tour groups?
人慢慢地走, except for those in Paris. Paris is a gem of a city. Parisians know how to walk. They move to their right, 动作快点, and are focused on where they want to go. Love Paris. 不幸, they smoke. So if you are behind a Parisian, they will probably be inhaling a Chesterfield and the backdraft will hit you in the face. It will get your clothes disgustingly smokey. Expect to be confronted with an air of “I am French, you are in the wrong and you can’t tell us what to do” when you look at them. It’s terrible.
所以, 巴黎郊外, 你这是缓慢的法国其他地区, leisurely walkers. 是啊, you’re lazy and slow. You know who I am talking about. You barely know how to walk. You walk like you have no place to go. You walk like life is a farce and you are walking just to be ironic. You walk like each step is taxed at the 47% 税率. You walk like…..okay you get the point. Walk faster and to the right please…unless you’re in a sleepy quiet French town like 博纳 where nothing happens; there, 你被允许走，你想要的慢.
You guys are serious. I like that. Keep it up.
No issues so far. In cities like Marseilles or Genoa, you will be propositioned for some “extracurricular” activities. Just shake your head to the left/right and keep walking. Zero harm will come of it and you will have an interesting story to tell your friends back at home.
Did someone pick my wallet? Did that car just jump into the medium. Who is this person watching me. Croats are constantly conscious of their surroundings and walk fast as heck to get out of the sun and the watching women on the balconies. It’s one of the only countries where I have seen old ladies with walkers walking faster then tourists. I clap for you my Croatian friends.
London is like NYC except they walk slow-ish. Not slow. They just have a peculiar cadence. It’s a lazy walk with no purpose. They want to get somewhere, but they do not know exactly where they want to go..maybe they do and they just don’t want to go. When you visit London, 我建议你不要走夜路, everyone is way too sozzled. How much is the alcohol limit in London? Too much, that’s my opinion. I want to walk behind you, 但如果你在侧身走锯齿形, 唱歌, 诵经为您喜爱的球队, 和删除的东西，你走.
Look at the part about the French countryside. The Spanish are about 1 km slower. Barcelona and Madrid are terrible walking cities. I know you can blame the heat, or say you are “enjoying life”; but honestly…you’re just being slow. Join the modern world, 加快走向右.
….while we are on the subject of Spain. Stop being so morose about the world. You had a dictator, 你有一个低劣的经济, 你的工会控制的方式太多, but lighten up. We like you. I would tell the French the same, 但他们只会吐我，烟吹在我的脸上.
I leave the crown jewel of my European experience (12 years) to Portugal. You are the best walkers in Europe. You are focused, 简洁, and walk with a purpose. People walk at a cadence which is pleasantly easy to keep in time with. It’s like dancing.
Who am I kidding? Portugal is worst than Italy, 法国, or Spain. Walk to the friggin right! Walk at a good pace. You actually have to get somewhere. Move out of the way when people are behind you. Pick up after your dog. GRRRRR…. Portugal is the worst.
I don’t want to kick the butt of my new home but people are very inconsiderate. They walk into you. Older people have no clue you are there when they walk (they get a pass – cause they’re old). If you get near a tour group, they will walk all over you (Chinese tour groups the worst).
如果有人有一个孩子, 孩子可能会撞到你, 你抢, 你到处跑, or worst run into traffic without the parents even caring or noticing. If you say something you will get chastised as “Not being Portuguese” or not knowing the “Portuguese way”.
现在，我在公寓里龟缩, dreading the Portuguese walk. Dreading getting “shouldered” or walking at 1 km per hour down a running path. I dread seeing the old lady being pushed into the street by some tween on her Samsung Note. It will happen and I will be prepared. This is why I fear the experience of 走在欧洲.
…sorry had to rant…but seriously. Walk to the right.